Rain all day and windy too.  Stock fell sharply.  Have not seen the likes of it in more then a yr which still shake me a bit.  My PG and Oakfund fell so low and my bond fund highest ever!  Well, now is the time to jump in.  My IRA is stash away in a good place other wise it would taken the fall as everything else but it hasn’t. Ahhh, now it really show which is the less risk investment. 

Bough myself a uniform bottom.  I have the top for ages but never got the bottom.  I don’t like the ones in the catalogue plus they are expensive with postage and handling.  I picked 1 up at Big Lot and they are a lot cheaper.  Is the color and style that I want.  It is like a Yoga draw string  pants with flare out leg ends , not like the polyester tapper ends that the old old styles.  It is easy to carry,  I can take it with me in case my monthly visitor got my pants dirty.  I don’t like most uniform pants because it looks more like pajamas, I can’t wear that on the st plus the material is thin and usually is cold outside.  The price I pay usually gets you something very ugly and cheap looking, mine is nice.  Hummm, am happy now.  Haven’t done anything but I feel guilty.  MY thoughts begins to make me guilty. That is the process of first thinking about it then you do it and then everything is done for.  I feel it will be like that.  It is not entirely my fault, I have put in more effort then with anyone else.  I feel I have betray myself more then anything.  I shouldn’t have work so hard.

This mean pt sends shiver down my spine.  M. Hindman, from North Bay, I should run his name through American’s Most Wanted because he is pretty scarey guy and he used to see Dharia, I don’t remember him with her but it must have been very hard for her to treat him, because he say mean things.  He got lots of cavities. How the hell he is full of cavities when he just got them filled by Dharia?  Wowowow and Dr T was making T filled them for free,helllllllll. Dr T is nuts.  The pt just being an ass wanting free fillings.  We are not responsible when they don’t brush and drink soda all the time.  I will be surprised if he hasn’t kill anyone because I can feel it in him.

Rain most of the day.  SG’s been pruned by an idiot.  I wish I was there when they are trying to pull out my plants.  They are not helping.  He broke a lot of geranium stems, this is a wrong time to prune.  I did it last yr.  The entire lot is full of weeds.  The Mallows with big leaves should be yank out, and the yellow little flowered wine needs to be pull out too because it is competiting with my daisies.  They didn’t touch any of it.    Daisy is almost blooming, I hope they don’t touch it.

The radiology program looks so good, the down side is the waiting list to go in.  Hell, there is only 10 spots.  Much much better then the hygiene program and they don’t need to take the board and the positives goes on and on.  It will be a bad thing to stay in dental.  It is such a hard job physically and mentally.  When is busy, I am just drained and then have to deal with demanding pushy people, as in the boss and pt.  OF course it is always better to be the boss.  CH is looking forward to be the boss. 

Laka is fairly disturbed now a days, very unhappy.  Imagine her kids as teenagers, then she will be worse off.  She has little money to spend, kids don’t respect her, and she is hiding in the temple.  Religion is not a place for you to hide the problems, she is not the kind that deals with problems well especially she created her own problems.

After 2 days he called and I don’t seem to care now.  My mind seems to be floating when I am sick.  I let a lot of things slided off.  Both work place I feel like standing at the edge of tipping off like I don’t care much about it.  I feel like wanting to leave.  It is a feeling hard to shake off.  May’s Bro is in radiology program and wants to go to Irvine to get the CT certified.  It is a very good job to go into besides dental at least it is clean and very easy to operate.  I just don’t know why it needs 2 yrs.  That sure will turn a lot of people off.  I just want to get that kind of pay but don’t want to put that kind of time into it.  There are many other job that makes big bucks but would you find it?  Ch is looking for a new job too.  May told Suzan not to quit.  But I feel she wants to go.  It is stressful looking at them and fixing their stupid problems.  There are things that Suzan needs to do that I don’t think she likes to. I know she doens’t want to assist DGM and she is easier thent he others too.  So there isn’t a job that you get pay for doing nothing.  The hard part should be getting pay as much or better.  You just have to look harder.

Survived CNY and all the slam dung that my parents did to me.  Email the landlord with no reply.  I guess I have to a tons of emails before actually get a place of my own.  The new Book Concern building project was a little too late news for me.  If they have 35 unit, and only 11 left, slim picking.  Of course I want to be in the middle of the building or top floor with roof top garden not the first floor and the price is so right and I don’t even need to be in the lotto. eeeeeeeeeeeeee.  Feeeling much better and sleeping like a log.  Seeing photos of cousins from HK makes me want to go there right now and eat the food and hearing them talk but I still have a crazy life here.  Seemingly another job hunting expectition is under way. I need to get Suzan a new job or find a PT for myself.  The sad part is I also stumble on some cheap offers by bottom of the pile shit Dr.  Hummmm, the market had evaborated.  There is very little job flowing around.  I need a new place to rest my body and a new spanking job.   No word from C, I feel like a break up before my B day.  I think his ex is waiting for him. They buy him things and i don’t.

 

Ron gave me red envelope geeee, he doens’t have to do that and I feel just so indebt to him or something . I did him a favor by dup film for him and at first I teach him how to do it. I was taken back that he impose on the favor because he gone to lunch too long .  I learn later that he was sick,.  Most of the time he is on private phone calls and bad mouthing people.  I am afraid of him more then anything.  He has been very good to me compares to the way he treats others.

There is no job listing at the Chronicals . I am so surprised, but the last time that I check was pre-CL days.  Now CL has all the job listings.  IMagine a regular RDA pays $60,000 wow I want that.  Then I don’t have to go back to school to make more.Even low 50k, I will be happy. Right now I am in proverty. 

 

If things are as bad as this when Suzan is here imagine when she is not here.

Suzan is looking for a new job. She didn’t mention what set her off.  Because it wasn’t really the money, because she promise to stay after she get her upgraded licience.  It must be something that she doesnt’ want me to know. DGM could nick pick when there wasn’t a thing to pick on. ANd DGM is building to expand  , hiring a new hygienist already plus she is eyeing Michele the trainee to add to the team.  She better watch what she is doing.  IF she goes bitching on me, I might blow up.  It is a given that I will leave with SUzan that is for sure, even Eka will do the same.  DGM will collasp because the place is so unorganize and people leave things the way it is and not doing their job making the assistants to pick up after them.  Suz will get like a 30% raise if she gets out of here now she finially say she will look.  I don;t know why she hasn’t think about leaving before.  She is actually attach to the place somehow. buying lunch for Easy although she secretly don’t like her.   SHe buys food for the whole lot of them.  Well, DGM continues to go down as I see it in management.  She let Remi exxagerates and tells story.  I can smell the stench of  set ups.

Winnie finially got herself a job in Fremont.  I guess I wont’ miss DGM.  I hope Suzan has a place for me whereever she is going if not I will have to look hard for a job myself. Darn, how can I get out of here with un-reliable income.  IN theory I can pay rent but with tighter belt.  DGM did provide me with stable cash flow. 

My nose is less runny but the congestion bothers me.  I feel better over all, no cough, but my head is a lot more fussier then yesterday.

I can almost tasted freedom.  I just have to work on it. pull up my boot strap.  The DSL arrangement kind of put a damper on my self esteem.  It hasn’t properly worked yet.  Bro keeps promising to help to connect with an extra cable but we are still stealing his bestfriends’ password.  Yup, I pay for it but not in my own log-in.  I am afriad to run into that kind of stale mate while on my own, which is expected.  This has definitely been the worse CHY, makes me sad. I guess the first one without Granny seems to be sad too.  But my cousins’ behavior like all of them acting up? 

 Maybe aunt wants me to back him up again.  I am kind of suspicious that maybe they lie to me about a loan for the 2nd house.  Maybe R had  gambling problem before and I re-solved it for him.  I just hope that he learns his lesson.  I can not help him. He got to be man enough to realize there is no free meal.  You have to work for money.  His ambitions super -excede his ability.  Plus there is an extra brother to make more money.  Any little money can help, he can put the debt on credit card even.  He dug a hole jsut too big.  How can he claim that he is a Buddist and vegetarian and go gambling.  He is lieing to me clearly. He darge me because i will give him a lecture that he has to listen to.  I am not going to be his easy way out. I know he is not respectful to his Mom.  But she spoils him a lot, he wants too much too soon.

Can’t believe that I am sick.  I feel awlful.  Vicks44 helps.  Too bad I didn’t take the Vita C earlier before it got so bad.  I think is the salsa at DGM.  Step his always sick.  Dam there is not other explaination.  I feel kind of funny on Sat and yesterday pretty bad.  My luck ran out already.  I can feel it.

Yellow is not my fav color in flowers.  But nice to have in spring.  I perfer daffadills not field poppies.  I want the red kind they are just so sweet and fragile.  Mine are long dead and gone and didn’t reseed.  Feel sick with sore throat and cold.  touble at work. Kind of know it on Fri but I will never give in so much for no returns.  I have to do what I need to do for myself.  I am not S and will not stick my neck out for nothing.  Have to ready to rumble tomorrow K will hammer on S and C. 

This yr’s Fremont reunion is full of clouds.  OF course everyone is gossiping about something. Mom non-stop bragging about my bro being stuck in HK and not able to go to M.  First of all none of the relatives have any idea what my bro looks like and my bro has no idea who the relatives are.  I don’t think anyone was asking about my bro anyway, no one was even listening.  They ask Mom did you have a son?  

There is a lot of under current of bad feelings slowing swimming up.  This bunch of people used to be happy go lucky with very little money.  Now they all have houses but looks very unhappy.

Skinny cousin was making fun of fat cousin saying she is fat , she doesn’t need to eat.  OMG, she didn’t say that with her shrill horrible voice plus the giggle. I pretend not to hear that but fat cousin S was fumming.  SHe told her to shut up with her fat face in English which skinny cousin couldn’t understand.  Before this episol we were all eatting contently.  Geeeeee, God I hate to see relatives fighting.  Fat cousin just got her life turned around. Bough a nice house in Vacavile, remodeled kitchen and bathroom, nice backyard, so proud.  I think she is a good girl compares to her bro who is a spoiled brat, further downfall is to be expected.

Then the worse gossip is cousin Bryan’s gambling debt.  No wonder he is avoiding me.  He owes about 20,000-30,000 not a small sum but not enough to declare bankruptcy which his Mom wants him to because his brother won’t let him refinance the house for it.  He always think about using 2nd mortage like a ATM anyway.  He got promoted to assistant manager.  He makes big bucks, more then me I think.  Well, he needs to fall on his face and learn some lessons.  I think he can go far but not with a gambling habbits.  Once you start that shit, you can’t shake it.  My cousins are very simple minded people.  I hope they don’t get into deep holes.  Vagas is not for people like that.  I think I can lend him money again but wow if he still have gambling bug on him, it will be a waste.  He will just toss the money back in the casino.  whatever mistake that he makes, he is better then cousin Willi who disrespect his Mom, that is just not right and that is not how we are raise. 

The whole thing is unsettling, now they made it got the American Dream but home life sucks. 

Uncle made the best BBQ grill pork skewed shrimp. Ummmm, so fresh.  He is always nice to me but he wants a divorce been talking about it for 7 yrs.

   

Andy set my feet back on the ground.  We shouldn’t have any expectation on V-days and should treat each other well everyday.  But it is hard to think like that when everyone else is falling over each other to buy a bouquet.  When you are in a new relationship, you want some kind of positive confirmation.  You really want him to show how much he loves you.  Especially with someone like CH who has a lot of choice words that warms your heart. 

Angela is leaving and I didn’t say good-bye to her.  I was never close to her and feel she somehow look down on me even though we problemly get the same pay.  Leongh didn’t go to her party.  I didn’t know the bad blood between them is so great. and I like Leogh she is fair and she collects money.  I think Angela avoids conflicts by not billing people and write them off.  We lost money because of that and she has no authority to do so and I see she spy on the clinical staff which is not her territory at all.  Besides that I don’t see anything wrong with her.  Just having her priority wrong and too snobby and classist.