Kevin is something that I’ve run into before. Someone unsuitable in the sense that will make me a snob, a classes pig. Who is to say I’m a realist and heartless. No in fact caring. Because I know I’ll just take advantage of him and then toss him to the side. This world we live in is not about love and freedom but it has to do with survival and being smart. There are 2 different types of people and sadly Kev and I are totally belonging to a different group. Its not to say that those group don’t come together and work out a deal but one have to make the compromise. Karen and her husband totally are in the same boat. She the bread winner, agreesive pragmatic while her husband is good for nothing lazy, and took her abuse. Yes, she’s very mean to him anyone can see she controls everything. Same with Juanita, so a lot of people are together and its a give and take.
But talking about myself. I’m no chop liver. I’m not abusive to the man in my life. Yes, that our different make-up is the most striking thing that post a con to any further step in our situation. My hormone was so out of control that he was just a piece of meat to me. His face certainly even doesn’t come into consideration. He’s not good looking in any imaginations. Blond with a very bad dark tan. He acts much younger then me. His financial is like someone who just graduated from school. He spends too much time in school and haven’t done anything. And I’m close to retirement being at a very young age. I’m looking for taking care of anyone; I’ve already done enough for myself and doesn’t want backage.
Our last interaction was very obvious that he’s after me. Asking about my age in great details and interest. He makes a wrong approach to start anything. He should make it so normal and undetectable that I wouldn’t put up walls. If he wants to know he could have ask Karen or someone close to me. Since I know what’s up he won’t be winning me. He asks me every week what I do this weekend. I won’t tell him a thing because he might invite himself. We talk about what TV we are watching. He should know more about me before falling but maybe that will be hard to run away and too much effort would be invested. Yes, age is something most man wants to know point blank. I remember the pt in my intership asks me out after he asks me about my age. Well, I’m pretty sure I’m at least 4-5 yrs older then Kev. Why does he tell me he doesn’t have any kids, I didn’t ask about him. Last thing why would I leave my home and L for some responsibility. What can he add to my life. He might worship me but its an uneven trade off. I do not doubt that we get along; I might enjoy each other’s company but it would be something doom from the beginning.
The Ukranian is a different story, they are so interesting, good looking tall charming. At least something very tangible. They are so much younger then me. They don’t have to be in great career because they are just starting their lives. Kev have no excuses. He’s slow; he’s white he can be somebody by now. Roman have potentials; you can feel it. He’ll be someone great. He exudes confidence and polite at the same time. Emile also have that quality most woman will fall for, so sexy undeniably attractive. I really don’t care about age when they are that great to be around.
May will always be my best friend. I don’t envy her marriage. Its kind of sad that a woman have to married in order to have a better later part of her life. I know my worried about her financials is well founded. If she doesn’t have a husband to take care of that part, she would be destitude. Her husband is not warm or interesting, conservitive, caring only to a point. I don’t care for him that much but he will provide for her and that will make her life more comfortable. If May is smarter she can take care of her money and rent and live a high life but she’s not. She’s very likely to live under her brother’s roof when she retire if she’s single.
I look for the few loose ends and I thought I really want PJ and he’s the only person that I thought I would settle with but it takes 2 to tangle. He doesn’t take me seriously and I won’t give in to be in a role of just a sex object. I saw his current photo. Boy he aged badly. Whole head of grey hair and wrinkle puffy face tired. Put on 40+ ib. He’s a google executive now which surprised me because I thought he’s a lazy spoiled rich kid who won’t come to be anything. As far as it looks he’s single still. He’s really not that old we are about the same age as I remembered.
CH has a boy but I’m not sure he’s married. His wife’s a knock out. I feel sorry for her. He’s not a catch at all. I’ll be depressed with him. No lost there. I don’t ever want to see him again.
I’m still searching for the love of my life; it may never exist. But I’m still trying.
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