Sometimes, there’s no diffference from real life and a dream.
I dream about Dad and he’s fighting me the same way as in real life.
I think most of the time my sister is with me everytimes we fight in a dream; which makes it so solid because its not like he only fights with me alone and most of the time she doesn’t get into the fight but in rare occasions she does.
I forgot what we are fighting about but I was on the pre-amting. He was getting hissy and before he can step on the assult, I plainly questions him. Before his tone gets more severe to yelling, I declare what’s the problem and what he’s asking. Our argument always seem to stem from a routine venting. He seems to able to pick a fight from nothing. In the dream there’s twlight. Its like a eclipse, you know its daylight yet its dark. It has something to do with he was threatening me if I’m like that he’ld change his will. Somehow Karen my ex-supervisor will drive him to the office to do so. He was huffy, and when at first I try to stear the argument and get the upper hand, he was taken aback that I have the will and knows what’s he’s up to. Sometimes after he said something awful that he seems to be sorry but yet he never said he is. Even at times when he said he’s sorry he said it in a way that he didn’t mean it and that it was you who drag it out of him. In the dream he threaten and then saying it in a lower voice that I’ve ended the fight and that I force him to cut me down. It seems to be the same everytime we fight. I woke up feeling sad. Even after he died, he’s still want to hold me back. I never care about how much he can give me because I know he doesn’t want to give and that I’ve given up on him. When I moved out doesn’t he realized that I’ve walked out without taking anything. I’ve only 2 bags and a blanket. Even most of my belongings I left behind. Its not like I don’t need my stuff but I don’t want to take anything from him. IN my culture, people doesn’t go to “heaven” but a place of the “severe” of the edge of nothingness. There’s no light or angels, but a place of stillness. I guess that’s how they find peace when life is so busy, with noise and hard feelings. This is a place for them to forget and come to terms and then they will go into a new life.
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